I challenged myself today. I challenged myself to compose a list of 100 things I fear in life. At first, I was a bit skeptical of this proposition. How was I going to think of 100, let alone 20? Surprisingly, I completed the task. Who knew I was such a scaredy-cat? The inspiration behind accepting this challenge came from a website I stumbled upon earlier on today.
“The List of 100 is a powerful technique you can use to generate ideas, clarify your thoughts, uncover hidden problems or get solutions to any specific questions you’re interested in.
When starting your list you may believe that there’s no way to get it done. But then, at some point during the exercise, you will naturally have your subconscious mind naturally engaged in the process. That’s when you will uncover many new and surprising answers, and ideas will start flowing again. Making a List of 100 is a beautifully articulated cooperation between the conscious and subconscious minds tackling one single problem.” (http://litemind.com/tackle-any-issue-with-a-list-of-100/)
I wasn’t quite sure what I’d get out of writing this list when I first started, but now it’s plain to see that this technique did indeed open my eyes to something about myself.
I concluded that I fear for my life.
All of my fears are based around putting my life at risk, whether it be my spiritual life, social life, emotional life, or physical life.
I have fears of straying away from my faith and disappointing God. I fear that I’ll give in to temptations and I’ll miss opportunities to bring others to Christ.
I’m afraid of other people and what they think of me. I fear that I’ll be judged and disliked. I’m scared of hurting others and losing the ones I love.
I fear that a part of me will always be discontent with life and that will hinder my relationship with God. I fear that I won’t fulfill God’s plan for me and my life won’t amount to something.
I’m scared of getting hurt, both emotionally and physically. I’m afraid that I’ll get cancer or I’ll die in a tragic death before I even do anything meaningful with my life. I fear that I’ll be killed or raped or abducted.
These are all pretty rational fears, but they’re not healthy. I know they’re not.
It’s okay to be afraid of losing someone, it’s okay to feel wary about the future, but when these fears start consuming thoughts and entire lives, it’s not okay anymore. Some of the things I listed are constantly on my mind. I’ve become obsessive over them, trying to figure out how to prevent my fears from coming true, trying to find a way to make things all better. It’s not okay. I’m finally telling myself that it’s not okay.
If I say I trust God, I do not need to fear for my life as I do now. I don’t need to worry about the future or what can happen to me. I need to remember that we all get hurt sometimes. We all lose people we love. We’re all judged. We’re all sinners. We all disappoint people. Nobody is perfect. I need to accept these facts and push away the fears that are holding me back from truly living the life God has called me to live. I need to surrender.
I don’t want to fear for my life anymore.
“Don’t worry about things… Will all your worries add a single moment to your life?… If God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won’t he more surely care for you?… Live one day at a time.” (Matthew 6:24-34)
What are you afraid of? I dare you to make a list. You might just be surprised and discover something about yourself you never really realized before. Most importantly, when you finish writing and reflecting, give your fears up to God.
“Lord, I’m scared. Please take my fears. I don’t want to be afraid of the unknown anymore. I don’t want to worry anymore. I know that you love me and you’re taking care of me. Even when I can’t see the big picture, please help me put my complete trust in you. Thank you. Amen.”